I was sad for a few weeks after I left Lucius on Sunset Boulevard. My agent was very blunt about what I would face as a public figure, since entertainment is a universal Religion and everyone must be immaculate, flawless. Somehow, I am beginning to understand what he meant about the torture Lucius would face in the tabloids, being flagellated and slandered. My close friend Selene described him as a beta personality guy with some alpha traits, but not suited for the life of an icon. Perhaps I can channel my feeling of loss to help me portray the heroine in that new play…
The life I used to lead as a model in New York feels like a dream I had long ago. Some of my designer clients still call me, but I must focus on my acting career now. Oh, I dreaded being just a “lovely mannequin” in the showrooms and I ached to perform, to be Anna Karenina on the runway if the clothes inspired me. Well, here I am in Los Angeles, with my awards underfoot in a new reality.
Most industry luncheons and parties are such a bore, darling. Lucius told me he was not fond of my white lies, but he just doesn’t understand I cannot speak my mind and tell people off, burn bridges and all because of silly drunkards’ arguments. I had never feared someone before, but he knows about my past and I have a legacy to build. One day, I hope to have a daughter and I will name her Siobhan, to always remember my mother and I will tell my little girl all about her.
Sequins and lights, the applause… There is something in me that comes alive when I read a great script and I can see myself using my eyes, my lips and hands, my entire body to make such beautiful words come to life. My art has given me the closest feeling of what Heaven can be and I cannot be far away from the productions and even the bickering behind the scenes. This is a love I have waited many years to feel.